It's a question most of us have likely asked ourselves, especially during the pandemic, which has distressed us, upended us, disconnected us. So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a … This is an all-too-obvious step that’s often overlooked. Just be sure to repay the favor the next time your co-worker is feeling overwhelmed! Ask your parents if they need help around the house. Ask politely and be aware of how you’re being received. It was in the stillness of the evening that I slowed down to think of someone other than myself. Talk about a win-win. time. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. It's a skill you need to build up. Accept that they might not be ready to talk. Try This: “Hey, I’m feeling a little confused about the details of the XYZ project. As an introvert and someone who takes pride in her independence and research skills, I too have trouble asking for help. "We're so used to multi-tasking that we don't really give ourselves space to sit down and reflect," she said. So, take a deep breath and approach your supervisor or one of your co-workers in order to get a better understanding of the particular task and goals. Someone who’s disengaged or unwilling to accept help or learn something new? Mental health and physical health are inextricably linked. Ask this question and listen. Do I still find joy in the things that once brought me joy? I really appreciate your help!”. Ask a teacher if he/she needs help organizing his/her classroom. "Can you help me?" Can we set up a time when we can chat and bounce some ideas off of each other? "The way in which we see a physical doctor even when we're feeling OK, just to make sure that everything's still going right, is kind of how we need to be approaching our emotional wellbeing as well," Wright said. You’ll notice that all the tactics in this article require you to ask for someone’s help, even the subtle strategies. © 2021 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC. Ask a sibling if they need help with their chores. We solicit pity when we want assistance, or we ask the wrong person. Questions you can ask yourself: Also consider the duration of your symptoms. Getting help for anxiety is often a big step for someone who habitually avoids things that make them feel anxious. All I can do is be present with them and bear witness to them naming their feelings. It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. You kept enthusiastically answering “Yes!” to every project that landed in your lap, and now you’re completely buried under work. If someone you care about lets you know that they’re feeling lonely, don’t make them feel like they’re a charity case. 6. However, if they disclosed a plan of how they might die by suicide, it is imperative to have a mental health professional decide what the next steps should be. Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Here's why: Say something like, “I think you are one of the kindest, smartest, loyal people I know and it feels like you are going through a rough patch and I’d like to help you the way you would help me.” If someone you love has depression, encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already done so. For some reasons, many of us perceive a request for assistance as a sign of weakness, when—in reality—I think it’s actually a sign of great strength. You have to actually ASK for what you want. "Just reach out" we say. If you have particular friends or family who you would like to ask a specific favor—perhaps they work at a company you want to work for, or they have a contact you would like to meet—send them individualized letters. Clearly, people are much more lik… It's a skill you need to build up. But, everyone has been in this situation at least once in his or her life. Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. First, know what you want. I promise—it’ll be better for you in the long run. Our bodies try and communicate when our brains are not well. If you do that, chances are it won’t turn out as expected, and you’ll have wasted your own (and everyone else’s!) Encouraging them and supporting them to … The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources to help if you need to find support for yourself or a loved one. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a … I get it—there are some people out there who would rather stroll into work completely naked than suck up their pride and ask for help. And, if you try to remedy your error by getting involved in areas or departments where you don’t really belong, you could very well make your problem even worse. You’ve reached your limit, and you know that there’s absolutely no way you’ll finish everything by the deadline—even if you pulled all-nighters for the next three weeks. Hey, it means you’re self-aware and self-assured enough to know when it’s time to call in some reinforcements. People are more inclined to want to help those who've attempted to... 2. When Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University and a leading researcher in this area, recently reviewed a group of experiments that she and her coauthors had done, she found that compliance—the rate at which people provided assistance to strangers who asked for it—was an average of 48% higher than the help seekers had expected. Help the people you know. It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. It won't make them feel like you are pitying them. I need help helping you. Asking for help isn’t always easy. Ask for a gift – literally. Ask your loved one to give you the gift of seeking help, whether it’s for your anniversary, a holiday or your kids’ birthdays. Plus, you’ll look stubborn and incompetent. It was my twin sister all the way across the country, struggling with insomnia herself. Don't ask what someone needs, offer ways to help. In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. Don't wait until things are bad. So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a suggestion for what to say in each scenario. Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. I really think your input could take this project to the next level!”. OK, so this one should be pretty obvious. Kat is a Midwest-based freelance writer, covering topics related to careers, productivity, and the freelance life. Providing your resume is an easy way to do this. Choose whom to ask wisely. You can help your friend list things to ask potential therapists and things they want to mention in their first session. They may dismiss you or disregard the weight of the topic. "Scheduling that time for yourself is going to be an important component.". Maybe you asked it when melancholy edged toward hopelessness, when you grew tired of treading water, when you inhabited the same body but no longer felt like the same self. So we do it badly, sometimes using guilt, coercion and blackmail. Be patient. There’s no use torturing yourself by trying to blindly navigate a challenging project that you don’t understand. Say hi on Twitter, 10% off Career Coaching | Use code NEWYEAR10 thru Jan 17th |. 3) “How can I best support you?” The most important question to ask someone who is dealing with depression or suffering is, “How can I best support you?” Emotionally supporting someone consists of different aspects: listening, coaching, encouraging, reflecting, problem solving, or physical assistance or accompaniment … You’re human, so mistakes are pretty much inevitable. You may feel like you’re shirking responsibility. Instead of talking about the issue, focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel less alone. Your loved one will likely need all the encouragement you're able to give! Wright says to do a mental health check, you need quiet. You should ask yourself: In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. "One of the biggest indicators is whether the person is really having trouble doing their day-to-day life," Bufka said. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that asking for help is easy. A Networking Expert On How To Ask People For Career Favors And Get A Yes The 27 Key Email Templates You’ll Need In 2017 The Perfect Email Template For Asking Someone Kinda Random For Help Wrapping It Up: It's Okay to Ask for Help. Flat out offer or give in private. they love. It can be hard to listen to what our brains are telling us when we're working, caring for others or distracted. How to Ask for Support When You Need It Without Sounding Pathetic Be genuine.. Become informed. Could we set a time to sit down, talk through the nuts and bolts of this assignment, and make sure we’re on the same page?”. But, it’s not exactly about what you did, it’s about how you react to it. There is a caveat though. 1. Think about people who can speak to your skills and qualifications for the position. People who are good at what they do may not like it or want to do the job. 7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It) 1. Asking for Help in Times of Need, M. Nora Klaver makes some helpful suggestions for doing just that. I’m so sorry for the confusion and extra work. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask. But what about reaching in? She's also an Employment Advisor at a local college, and loves helping students prepare to thrive in careers (and lives!) An “effective” ask is one which opens a door for two people or a group of people to connect, and for an exchange of some sort to take place. What to do about that pit in your stomach in this terrifying American moment, If you canceled dry January, here's why you should reconsider, Experts say this is what children need to survive the pandemic, U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. Whenever someone is dealing with something outside of the norm, people have a tendency to say, "let me know how I can help." In addition to The Muse, she's a contributor all over the web and dishes out research-backed advice for places like Atlassian, Trello, Toggl, Wrike, The Everygirl, FlexJobs, and more. USA TODAY spoke with Wright and Lynn Bufka, associate executive director for practice research and policy at The American Psychological Association, on how to perform a mental health check. Do you have an employee who’s hard to reach? So, if you’re healthy and able, Kohli said it’s a great help to bring them what they need. If you're really struggling in domains that you previously weren't, that's a sign things are off track. But, if you have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to be doing for a particular work project, it’s time to approach someone in your office for some clarification and assistance. If a close friend or family member, then be direct. Everyone has bad days. No one's baseline normal is the same, so experts say it's important to look for changes in your mood. What if they deny there is a problem or don’t want to talk. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. Do a bit of research into what help is available in your area that could be useful for your friend. Should be pretty anxiety-inducing helping me with the XYZ project spouse, a daughter? `` mistakes pretty! I too have trouble asking for help is available in your mood qualifications for the position on Twitter 10. 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